All Grow’d Up

Not sure who is feeling greater the Separation Anxiety here, myself or my 5 year old? Almost joining the 40’s clubs and yet here I am feeling strangely ‘under the weather’ since Wednesday morning, exactly. How does this relate to any form of separation anxiety? I think the YUCK I feel is just that; my own anxiety! The youngest is moving up in the world and has started her first week of half-day Junior Kindergarten. (I’m estimating, thats probably around the Pre-K mark for my good ole’ American readers).


While the last three years or so my life has been completely thrown upside down, my energy, organization skills, efficiency in everything I used to do, has been absolutely exhausted and my soul strength utterly depleted (that is no estimation!). I simply still cannot help but believe that I, as the SSAHM (SINGLE Stay At Home Mom of 2) that has conquered bankruptcy twice (both times, financial, emotional, & spiritual) overcome homelessness and food-less-ness more times than I care to admit (which we may or may not still struggle with at times)….. this woman of all silver-linings and positive attitudes, find myself having real life separation anxiety from sending my LittleF to Pre-K like this. !?!?! Really? 


I find it difficult to believe I am having separation anxiety. But, I guess I totally am. Looks like she’s all grow’d up and so I guess now, it’s my turn… What confuses me is that when I looked ahead from her younger years, I did not think I would feel such a strong sense of having to let go this quickly. I thought I had til at least teen-age lol. It has happened sooner than I had planned that’s for sure. 

I have come to terms with my own parental-separation anxiety, is a normal part of the process. The entirety of the rest of our lives watching our children grow now, is now about letting go really. 


We shall see what comes to the table next to get through. Hopefully, I will be able to start posting here again to keep track. Because I Promise, it is always something! ūüėČ

Hope you will visit again soon! ūüíó

Your friend,

Jaynine


Hey leave a comment, because I love hearing from you guys too.

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Having A ‘Note-a-Graphic’ Afternoon

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Just a quick note to all my friends, brothers, sisters, and family out there on this sabbath Sunday…

{ I created this well designed, simple word image, via the Notegraphy App, available in the iTunes AppStore. Click through for other users photo examples onInstagram, using the #HelloNotegraphy #notegraphy hashtags. Also, follow them @HelloNotegraphy }

No matter what country, culture, background, no matter if you pray standing, sitting, or meditate lying down, no matter if you are rich are poor, you are all my ‘brothers’ and I pray for you through the power of The Lord and Our Saviour Jesus Christ, today ;) Amen.

Yours Kindly,

Jeanine

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PS:
Check out all my shared posts on Google Plus for more. Its so simple now! Just add your own username after the G’Plus URL to share your profile.

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Our **** Summer

These are the stories of our summer experience.  Don’t expect glorious photos of an overseas beach somewhere in vacation land–because thats not at all what ours was like!

“I haven’t done much writing, I know”. A lame endlessly spoken phrase by bloggers throughout the summer vacation days, I know you’re tired of hearing. Especially by Moms. I get that. Here’s the thing though, our summer sucked. And I can promise you, it was NO VACATION around here! 

Oh, may I remind you first, I am thee most grateful person alive, thanks to the way my Mom raised me! That’s truly the only way we made it through our summer circumstances, with much hope and reasessed aspirations for our immediate future! 

In my *new life, I have always been sure to take a real good rigirously honest look at a situation:  I can decide to stay sore and harbour some resentments about the circumstances; OR I accept the outcome (the situation) with a new perspective, one of having learnt a valuable lesson. Or 2 or 3… *new life is a reference to my experience of recovering from addiction, and having been freed of that old life. “It is like being re-born” (Big Book of AA)

Here’s the “sitch

Long dramatic story as short as possible. 10 months ago left ‘hubby’ house vehicle & everything, traded for happiness. Restarted fresh again, in our new little town near family. They’re the only ones I can count on in life over and over, and I have finally learned that one. Where they move–we move! Period. Anyway, happily our wee family made our way to an apartment we made a home immediately. 4 year old developmentally delayed, had about a years growth set back durinmg the six months she was pulled out of daycare we called ‘school’. It costed the whole family trust me. Poor thing. So we looked so forward to our first Summer close to family :D!

Add a nightmare neighbour who knows nothing of consideration for others and her lack of self-awareness, we ended up having a waterfall throughout or new (landlord just newly renovated 1 year prior!) kitchen, bathroom, and diningroom/livingroom. Not pleased. We had brought everyting we could when we left our house behind and I am in debt over my head due to that ‘house stuff’. Point is, what we had left was not much. It was what I managed to salvage from a bitter split. Don’t get me wrong, I always chose happiness over “stuff”! It just seemed like it was “all we had” left you know. 

I dont like spending my time weeping over the past but, feel the need to get this off my chest …July 29th got flooded. Next day, contractors came to open walls at 430-7PM, yes very inconvenient timing. As they opened walls, found 10-15 YEARS worth of black mold growth; we could now not live in and had to pack 3 peoples important belongings to get out right away. Also, finding somewhere to stay temporarily. I only have Mom in this town.

 Let me take one step back:  That morning the assessment from head of contracting team was relaxed, playing it cool, not worried about us having to move out. There was no suggestion of that. I also requested very simply that our belongings be covered by his team with tarps, painters sheets, plastic rolls–I didnt care, as long as it was all covered. He  his understanding of that reuqest, by offering me the size/measurement type of plastic that would be used to cover our belongings. I re-affirmed it again, and went back to tidying up around the water damage I could deal with and went on worry free about my day! So as the pakc up, run and find accomodations now part of the day came, at 25 minutes before I had to pick up LO (the 4 year old with cognitive understanding delays), explain to her again, that we could not go home…. All and all, THAT was thee hardest part. Listening to her cry each day as we passed her home to get to ‘school’ that she wanted to go home, just ripped my heart in pieces. Nothing I said could help her understand again, that we could not go to her home because it was broken.

Thankfully, after the mess of lawyers, landlord tenant court visits, and finally forcing my landlord to do the right thing (accept give us the proper monetary compensation I know we deserve but, couldnt bother fighting for)–I played with terms I used with LO, and slowly assisted her into understanding this broken home stuff was no one’s fault and that we’d be back home in no time! Regardless of the truth that I didnt know when or what direction our circumstances were going at the time. 

During all of that mess, for the first time ever, I started having issues with my teenage brother and Mother. I dont need to get into that. You all know what fighting with family can look like. We ended up having a few (new remember) neighbours pull together and one lent us their families tent trailer! Called us to her house one evening, drove it over, set it up, lent us all the utilities we needed to cook and live–BAM! JUST LIKE THAT! We had a cool new temporary home, that was actually literally, in our own backyard LOL! Even TEEN was excited (til after a few hot mornings lol)! LO and I love the outdoors. Besides, we had always said we were going to the trailer this Summer; we just didnt know what way it was going to happen. 

This is my outlook. This is ME. This is the ways I have raised my children. I have to find the light in the dark. I have to be the light in the dark. I have to shine the light in the dark. 

Don’t get me wrong, it sucked real bad compared to home. But, we were able to use our bathroom (no ceiling) and bathe, so there wasn’t really much to complain about. Now, sleeping in a tent trailer for a single mom is pretty scary! I admit to you guys I barely slept a wink worrying about someone coming to get us lol…Thankfully we managed safely. However lovely my attitude of gratitude sounds, this story is not over yet! 

After 4 nights in the trailer, I started feeling like I was catching a cold. I never get sick so I was paying close attention to the changes in my body. (I am also ‘temporarily disabled’ at this time. that’s a whole other category too…) Maybe it was all the moving boxes, bags, garbage, furniture, stuff in and out from destroyed house, to Moms, to trailer, to insanity, that exhasuted my body enought to give into something. Either way I went straight to Doctors for a throat swab thinking it was Strep Throat; it was going around LOs school at the time. Got some antibiotics before the test results and went on my sick sucky way. 

I get some crazy headaches comparable to delivering twins no epidural through the sides of my head, with a weight the size of the old Coyote cartoons that used to drop on heads every episode; couldnt see, couldnt walk, couldnt talk. Headed to the doctors office whom called ahead to book me into hospital where I headed with TEEN next. All the while LO is at ‘school’ knowing non of this is happening. TEEN calls Mom who remember ‘doesnt enjoy her summer having us in her living space’ LMAO who now has to pick up and be Mom for God knows how long, right away, and make it to see God knows what’s going on in my head. My Mom doesnt prepare for sickness well. Always thinks I am over-reacting. But, I dont get sick. Shows up, just in time for me to get some pain meds (which arent provinding any relief at all), send TEEN home to her house; and jump into emergency ambulance ride to another hospital for a Cat Scan (of my pounding head)! I am in quarantine cuz there’s infection in blood, they just dont know what it is. 

After Cat Scan I get to have an Epidural! lol Actually, its abbreviated an LP Lumbar Puncture. LP is when they curve your spin, while awake, freeze your back, then freeze the nerves in your back somehow, puncture an enormous thick needle between two discs in lower back, to remove and test a persons Spinal Fluid. FUN! Spinal Fluid is sterile. That and Urine, I was informed. I guessed that’s why the ancients used urine as tooth paste apparently. Mine looked sterile, free from sightly bacteria, however further testing that day revealed White T Cells. Means infection. But, of what type:  A-Bacterial or B-Viral Praying for viral my mother went home and I was left feeling to die while giving birth through the brain. Not one drop of Morphine brought relief. I was curled up in a ball almost falling everytime I had to get up to use bathroom. Quaranteed, so no nurse even wanted anything to do with me, accept to poke, prod, and steal my blood for 2 long days and nights. We were told as soon as tests came back it was a Viral Menigitis. WOW! HAPPY CAMPER! No, I really was because if it was the Bacterial kind, there’s much higher risks of losing limbs and can even be fatal. The blessings rolled in from there on in. 

Finally, on the third day doctor came in changed pain meds, I found relief and next day was sent home… but after only 4 days and nights total for unworthy contractors, insurance companies and landlords to figure out when we’d have our home back…where was home to be. Thank God again, the second my Mom brought my iPhone, I sent landlord a message stating in hospital, get it done, I need my home asap. Period. And I truly at that point wouldve camped out in his families front yard had the work not of progressed as quickly (funny hey!y) as it did after that! Within two days we had our apartment repaired and painted, all accept for the laminate flooring throughout the main rooms laid

Ok, so here we are caught up to today. I am actually relaxing outdoors awating the arrival of the flooring guys, who’ve already tried to cancel once, just finished packing for a two day vacation away at you guessed it:  A friends parents TRAILER LMAO! Her parents heard our story and decided to book the rental trailer in their park for us, as a vacation for our last long weekend of Summer Vacation, of course. Like I haven’t seen enough of the inside of a trailer this year. Super grateful nonetheless though.

Their trailer park has 2 pools, a lake, and a beach. Great because LO has been asking to swim in a real pool forever. Cuz the neighbours ‘little’ pool is “not a real pool” according to her LMAO. She did have some amazing time swimming there, usually alone though, because of the temperature lol. My LO is a trooper and a teacher of strength and bravery for even me.

THERE, now that you are aware of our shitty summer OH SHIT–I Forgot to mention!

THAT “shit” word, is actually quite accurate. To sum up the reason for the flood, which I am sure you’re wondering about. Well, it had to be written on the insurance papers because, they have to include a “cause“:

The world’s largest feces, jammed in the tank of a low flush toilet

That was the exact cause…YES, even included photos in the claim. Even grosser still, since living with these wimpy-water-money-saving ‘low-flush-toilet systems (I totally appreciate that ok), I have had to train my children in the ‘How To Low-Flush Rules’ of our bathroom. Obviously the unawareness of our nightmare
neighbour hasn’t had experience with these rules. I pray she will remember them now. Seriously. These incidents happen often with the low-flush tanks.

From now on, I promise you no more shitty posts! We have learned much! I had many different personal experience epiphany’s I look forward to sharing with you for the next few posts. Enough with this shit. And just in case you were wondering, we’re all good now. We are excitedly relieved to be back in our home. We have moved forward.

I will be writing my next update post immediately after this one, to share some insight we gained through all of this.

Thanks for sticking around and having a read. I look forward to having the time now to read all about your summers. If you stopped by, you might as well leave me a link in the comments below so I can visit OK!?

Thanks, Your WP Friend/Family,
JayNine xo

Who Fills Your Jar?

Friday, I started off the Link Day Friday post, pretty well. I was pumped to say the least! I had been organizing and collectively arranging photos and descriptions all throughout last week. It actually looked as if it would have been an informative success! Spent pretty much all of my morning, finalizing photos, copying links, done and done. I had completed the spelling check and a once over. Now, it was time for a breather. I also work between iPad app and PC on line version of WordPress; which I do to cause myself more confusion. Honestly, it’s easier to save and upload photos this way–just not to set them up well. I check on PC to add links, descriptions, and center photos before publishing. At this point, the Link Day Friday Post was good to go but, my brain was tired. Needed relief from computer world for a moment or two…

Oh, I better mention: I’ve also been praying much more lately and started a new bible study with an on line group of (my real life) friends. Let’s just say whenever I throw prayer and “God’s Will” into the mix, my life can begin acting a little stranger than usually. Without getting into the fact that I always say my prayers lately, its been well, more concentrated. I ask for my will mainly to be aligned with the Lord’s for the day. Ask Him to join me in my craziness, in hopes He will make it fruitful if not on track. Matthew is the Chapter we are going over; quite slowly I might add. Baby steps are the way I soak info in best! But, back to my day…

Before publishing, somewhere within the ease of my distractibility (<–yes, it’s a word yippee!), I must have taken a wrong turn around noon. I am soo easily distracted…++ *”ooohh look! something shiny! Huh? oh yeah!*”….these days! Be it an overactive imagination, or increased lack of concentration; whatever it is, has worsened within the last 3 years. On my wrong turn (or my tangent) I traveled, probably only to copy paste another perfect link, and I end up on these mason jars — “mason jars..? What?…Really J9? what about the links/photos you prepared?…” I often ask myself these sorts of questions.

I wasn’t way too concerned as to why. I mean, I am interested in mason jars as well anyways. In fact, we do have a utility closet full of empty coffee canisters, jars, containers, tubs and more. I think every Mom should have one of these life-saving spaces for rainy days and crafts. At my Mother’s House, we have a “God Can” she started in early recovery from about 18 years ago now. I have always wanted to start a gratitude jar with my girls. I however, am plagued with an ‘out-of-sight, out-of-mind’ memory system (also new to me). Or is that just straight outta my mind? Still, I was good with mason jars now.

Strangely, I felt like scrapping and deleting the entire original Friday’s post?! Rather out of the blue. I mean, I worked so hard all week dedicated to sourcing favorites, photos, links, and I was at the polishing off step…was I crazy really now? …Anyway I rolled with it! I saved it for another day and followed through with the mason jar post.¬†I thought, well I could always save it if I didn’t like it. My focus was effortlessly, just ‘re-adjusted’. I flowed through and published the¬†“Link Day Friday (2)”¬†post. ahhh! done and done ;) I was very pleased and set off to plan our evening.

We were to eat dinner, then go for a swim at the neighbours. We’ve both got rowdy children, that play very well together I might add. After LO got home from school (daycare) I headed to the bbq and to my surprise, within minutes, the weather had taken a turn for the worst! Enormous black clouds blanketed the sunny skies. The wind roughly tossed leaves off our ginormous maple and evergreens swayed in the harsh gusts of wind. A check on the weather network confirmed their Warning: ¬†Severe Thunder Storms and Possibility of Tornado activity. “WHHAAT?” We don’t often get these warnings in my neck of Ontario, Canada.

I could feel¬†the rush through my veins the excitement and fear from my childhood. It was a favorite pastime of mine to watch severe storms, filled with sheer terror with my Mother on our eleventh storey balcony. The sets of purple lightening hitting the earths from way up that high. We could see so much. I felt it ‘quality time’ then, growing up (with then an alcoholic mother). I appreciated and dreamt mainly of these moments into my teens.

This Storm wasn’t so lavish but, I caught a few seconds! (mind my voice and manners, not sure what i said there) Taken with Instagrams new video service. Take a look at our Instagram life here.¬†First,
WATCH VIDEO: ¬†Storm VIDEO 35 seconds¬†what it looked like from my¬†J9’s Instagram¬† ¬†(which I cannot guarantee will work either because of WP rules; but only 35 seconds long!)
At the exact secondthe video ends , there are screeches from my livingroom: A Power Outage, no doubt. Off to calm the children and collect the candles…45 minutes later and still, no power.

OK! Damn electricity: you win! * I HATE power outages! Entertaining any amount of children in the complete darkness, surrounded by fire hazards; is not fun for anyone. But, I do what I always do best, find the ‘lighter’ side of any situation!

Renewed, I announce, “the perfect time for uninterrupted quality craft time!” (normally I love craft time, just a little reluctant in no power). Also, I cant see. lol. Time to dig in the dark through the nearest craft bin: they’re all up high so LO cannot destroy…

I head for the closet, open the door, out flies the empty tins…really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You see!?¬†This is God’s active sense of humor, in my personal experience… He just loves me. ¬†;)

I have soo many more but, what are the funniest times within your relationship with God? Can you share with us in a post? Re-Blog response? What does your active relationship with God look like in your life?

JayNine xoxo

Best Liebster Award Nomination

Nominated for yet another sweet award, the Liebster Award¬†(<–nomination post link)–Now!
I am nominating you for it too! ¬†FYI–>I am nominating bloggers that I would truly appreciate hearing responses from. The questions part is a fun creative way, to share more than just our links, put some personal efforts into it, by coming up with the random questions ourselves. A little different from the norm. I like it.

READERS:
Keep in mind, each one of the links in the nominees I provide are to real people with much to offer. Please visit their blogs. Enjoy their responses. But first, My Award comes from the following one of a kind blogger!

To my VIP
***Many Many heart felt laughs thanks, and spanks, to the best of the real world within WordPress: the one and only SistaStertaline on WordPress here at Phoenix Flights for the nomination and humble questions request! (warning Sista S: I am coming to visit someday, I swear!)

THE RULES:
RULES of Engagement:
1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you, with link back to their blog.
2. Answer the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 of your own questions to ask your nominees.
3. Nominate 11 blogs of your choice: new, old, just found, following, or you think deserve some notice; and let them know they’ve been nominated!
4. Show off the Award photo on your blog!
5. No tag backs–meaning you can‚Äôt just re-nominate the person who nominated you.

***This is a great way to keep connected, boast about your fav’s, let others find new blogs, and to keep connected! Remember to have fun with it!

liebster image

liebster award logo

The QUESTIONS  I have been asked, with My Answers:

1.   Do you think you are capable of killing another human being?
*I can say NO, but I have no real experience with such rage.

2.   City, Country or Coast?
*Reformed ‘city girl’ right here and loving it but, coast not country. Theres just something comforting about living near the water.

3.   If you found £50/$50 inside a store, would you hand it in?
*An absolute 100% YES! everytime

4.   Haagen Dazs or Ben & Jerrys?
*neither: raw cookie dough. I don’t like ice cream

5.   Have you ever spent money on calling into a reality TV show, which one and why?
*Not tv show, but I have called a #800 psychic before, cost me $330!

6.   When was the last time you lost your temper and why?
*Tuesday, over text messages with teen in NYC, becuz she’s refused to go out while there?! (long story)

7.   What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
*Helped others find God, by sharing my worst and best of my addiction experiences …

8.   Have you ever had sex when you really didn’t want to?
Honestly, **TOO many times … ;(

9. ¬†¬†What is better, being ‚Äėnice‚Äô or being honest?
**Honesty–saves more lives than bullshit!

10.   Do you believe in God?
*and no one else above!

11.   What would be your epitaph?
**She did it all for her kids (tears)

After tearing up over the last question, lol here are the selected bloggers I want answers from!

THE NOMINEES:
1-  Mr. Don of  Don Of All Trades a superior talented blogger, fun, creative laughable heart warming posts, from the life of a real Father ;)

2-  Kaela Moore is a younger (non wrinkled) version of me. The more posts we share, the more laughs and relation we find lol ;) 

3- ¬†Shaun, who’s Looking For Reasoning in a Complicated World. ¬†A wonderful Father whom suffers with chronic pain syndrome much life, knowledge through his own experiences to offer; with a refreshing humor and fun.

4-¬† Christine at Project Light to Life blog. ¬†Join her in the¬†adventures from the life of a college student and her bucket list, of sorts. (specifically this–>> is¬†A must read post for all!

5-  Pink Butterflies a newly followed mommy blogger!

6-  My girl White Lady in the Hood I got to hear her answers lol, a much to offer blogger!

7-  Mummy Flying Solo my new found friend in same parenting position-solo!

8-  If you cant handle the truth, stay the heck out this ladies kitchen! Bam!
Mommy over at I Have an Opinion I’d Like to Share pssst!…this is one opinion you’ll wanna hear…

9-   Normal is the New Boring family life, parenthood, and inspirations from Mom with her thriving preemie.

10- the DisSocial Mom only because I miss the living heck out of this woman but, hope shes enjoying her summer vacation! Must Subscribe for a real honest mom blog.

11-¬† ¬†Everyone needs a Granny–mines Cranky over at¬†Grandma Says…¬†Plus, Cranky’s new space where we can appreciate her journey in writing A Dream Come True. ¬†Even though¬†I know she’s not accepting awards because shes got too much cooler stuff goin’ on right now, but I’d still love to hear her answers …..

**Nominees, I have sent you these because I actually would love to hear your answers.  This is actually alot of fun, and simpler than I had first thought.  I would love for you to take part ;)  The fun part is actually in making up these questions for you!

YOUR QUESTIONS:
These are the 11 simple questions I’d love to hear your answers for my nominations. (NO, I didn’t steal any other bloggers questions! lol! )

1.  Have you thought of an invention you wish you had shared, that someone else now has patented/created?

2.¬† Have you had sex with a “best-friend” from the opposite sex and it ruined your friendship?

3.  Would you do me a favor?

4.  Do you Pray?

5.  Have you been to New York City in USA?

6.  Truth or Dare?

7.  Have you ever called (or met with) a psychic?

8. ¬†What’s your secret to a Good Marriage?

9. ¬†Which Celebrity do you dream of being intimate with? (LOL! I can’t believe I’m making this stuff up lol)!

10.  What was the best gift you were ever given? (from any holiday)

11.  Where are you in 5 years?

**remember to have fun and get creative guys! 

If you have a secret way that you post your blog awards, that doesnt take 4 days, a bottle of vodka (for visitors), and a hernia to write: ¬†I’d REALLY appreciate hearing your ‘secrets to success’ in the Comments below…Seriously, my entire family’s getting tired of me yelling swears at the computers LOL…

JayNine xo

PS–I had already finished this post, published it, shared the nominations with bloggers; all from the comforts of my cell phone and iPad–HOWEVER, as my flourishing relationship with computers and “Murphy” (..that b(*****d!) for some reason, my comp’s didn’t sync, and this posts original form itself was lost. ¬†Sorry if you return to accept your award and their are missing comments, shares or posts. This is just another glimpse into my messed up blog world LOL!