All Grow’d Up

Not sure who is feeling greater the Separation Anxiety here, myself or my 5 year old? Almost joining the 40’s clubs and yet here I am feeling strangely ‘under the weather’ since Wednesday morning, exactly. How does this relate to any form of separation anxiety? I think the YUCK I feel is just that; my own anxiety! The youngest is moving up in the world and has started her first week of half-day Junior Kindergarten. (I’m estimating, thats probably around the Pre-K mark for my good ole’ American readers).


While the last three years or so my life has been completely thrown upside down, my energy, organization skills, efficiency in everything I used to do, has been absolutely exhausted and my soul strength utterly depleted (that is no estimation!). I simply still cannot help but believe that I, as the SSAHM (SINGLE Stay At Home Mom of 2) that has conquered bankruptcy twice (both times, financial, emotional, & spiritual) overcome homelessness and food-less-ness more times than I care to admit (which we may or may not still struggle with at times)….. this woman of all silver-linings and positive attitudes, find myself having real life separation anxiety from sending my LittleF to Pre-K like this. !?!?! Really? 


I find it difficult to believe I am having separation anxiety. But, I guess I totally am. Looks like she’s all grow’d up and so I guess now, it’s my turn… What confuses me is that when I looked ahead from her younger years, I did not think I would feel such a strong sense of having to let go this quickly. I thought I had til at least teen-age lol. It has happened sooner than I had planned that’s for sure. 

I have come to terms with my own parental-separation anxiety, is a normal part of the process. The entirety of the rest of our lives watching our children grow now, is now about letting go really. 


We shall see what comes to the table next to get through. Hopefully, I will be able to start posting here again to keep track. Because I Promise, it is always something! 😉

Hope you will visit again soon! 💗

Your friend,

Jaynine


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this is for Maile, pass it on…

I have been following this Christian Mom for some time now. Jamie Wright, on her site
the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California.

There is no time like the present to offer you a look into her world, and what her on line (and surrounding) community are doing, to take action up against slavery, human-trafficking, and the sex trade; extremely alive in ‘a certain area‘ of South East Asia. (*You will have to read the full posts for explanations of quotations.)

First, if you’re not sure about visiting Jamie the very worst missionary mom and (active) christian soldier; here is a sneak peek into her very lively world. From Jamie’s about post:

I’m about procrastinating.

I’m not about administrating. I can’t even handle my own inbox. It’s embarrassing.

I’m about loving my husband and sons. I wish I was way, WAY better about this.

I’m about organic discipleship. The kind that happens naturally. Although, I usually just call it… ya know… friendship.

I’m about strippers, and crack-whores, and spreading Jesus faster than herpes.

I’m not about Klout. Or Alexa. Or Analytics. Or any of the other false measures that tempt us into thinking we’re more significant than anyone else. (This is the internet, people. Easy come, easy go.)

I’m about coffee.

(**links to remainder of Jamie Wrights ‘about’ self-description post, only with the intention to raise public awareness of this cause. *no copyright infringements intended with use.)

Jamie the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California
I originally sourced her space through one of my blogger friends here on WordPress

…Let’s share with EACH of YOUR WP Friends and Followers:  what the Very Worst Missionary is up to now!

Follow these links to a very serious Christian Mom and her shared experience in witnessing a small piece of the darkness in the human-trafficking, sex slave, sex trade underground world. Please, then read the post where Jamie offers you to join her in this serious way of exposing this darkness with much light. Through utilizing strength in numbers, and the Light of The World, our shared Lord God.

NOT here at Jamie’s the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California

I have had the most difficult time even putting that into words. I have not slept right since reading Jamie’s first post.

I have not looked at my daughters the same.

I have thought of your very daughters and sons, considering them as my own since.

I have not slept, with the sickness and darkness these children, these babies over seas face.

It is an injustice.

This is Jamie’s BIG ASK for you to join forces in the ‘Light’

Yes there are many more organizations than The Exodus Road but this is Jamie’s choice.  

Source them out! Go join, get active. Tell me about it! 

I will have a list of Canadian sources I will share with you as I put the list together and will share asap.

You must read Jamie’s Blog, where you can read her words for yourself. If you need guidance, long for acceptance, and real truths amungst your Christian communities. This is the Real Deal. Get your belt on and travel over to see the likes of what Jamie discovered in the underground sex-trade world of Human-Trafficking plaguing (this area of) South East Asia.

***********************

In my own experience : 
Mrs. Jamie is a gorgeous, married, bad-ass Mom of 3 boys; all pretty well teens. She is a Christian, her husband and herself leaders amungst their church community. Jamie takes womens retreats with her church groups and turns them into sitcoms. LOL. She takes the bible, religion, God, and all of the teachings and shares her personal experience with each; in her own divine special way. In reading her blog, you will either agree with her or not. Either way, she will still preform the WORK, God has set in front of her to do. Regardless if she goes ‘kicking and screaming’ or not lol.

I know only a few Christian Moms whom share their relationships and experiences with God to the public; with such exquisite talented expression, inexplicable strength, inspiration, unmovable belief, and EXTREME FAITH. We’re taking about FAITH WITH WORKS. Not just ‘faith’. We’re talking real life christian soldiers, talking faith, walking faith, and moving mountains with each single share of their words, filled with absolute reverence for God. Linking hands with the destitute, abandoned, misfits, hookers, and what others would consider the hopeless of each of our own communities.

“FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD!”

Join Jamie’s fight here for freedom of children these little daughters of Moms and Sons of man, from the prisons within their circumstances; which would only not rip your heart alive if you were not human.

Please, visit Jamie on all her social media today to find out how you can help more.

“This…is for Maile…”
Pass it on…

*you’ll understand the quotes if you read Jamies posts
numbered below:
Jamie’s Post..1st… seeing the nightmare of the trade with her own real eyes for the first time
Jamie’s 2nd follow up post… putting her faith to work and YOUR PART!
Learn more about The Exodus Road

FAITH (FOOD) FOR THOUGHT: 

What an opportunity to take a look at our own faith!! ;)

 Is your faith alive and working? Did you know that ‘Faith Without Works is Dead’? What does that mean to you?

What (christian) organizations do you and your family work within?

I have dedicated a small part of our fixed budget to this organization. Would you? I will be also sharing and sharing throughout all of my social media places for the word to spread like herpes lol as Jamie refers to the quickness of sharing about Jesus with this world! Will you join me? Will you talk about God? Jesus? 

Do you talk about God? Do you talk about Jesus? Do you only talk to God/Jesus when YOU are in NEED? What do you ask for from The Lord?

Do you hide you Christian faith in front of co-workers? How do you respond when asked if you believe in God? Do you shun away from answering the question in fear of non-believers prosecution? 

Lessons while Driving

Each and every time, without fail, that I get the opportunity to drive any friends car, alone, without the children, on a nice day (or not); I cannot help but do a few of the following:

* HONK at cows!
A MUST!are you kidding me! They are the coolest creatures on earth and have a great life. Stand, sit, lye, eat, sleep, Repeat. If I believed in re-incarnation, I’d want to be a cow. (but, not one that would be harmed…) I’d have a bunch of fabulous buddies, hangin in the feilds, chewin complainin chatin, moooo’in; maxin and relaxin. Really! Feed me lots, and let me roam. Having already had, the opportunity to feel like a “milked” cow during breast feeding; I am not sure I’d mind that part very much either! Seriously, HONK AT A COW the next time you see a bunch on a country drive: WATCH their reaction! They really appreciate it!

** SING!
ooohh no, not just sing a tune here and there! I talking half way out the window like a dog on a hot day SING. Like in EVERY video of Mariah Carey type: hair stickin to my poppin lip gloss, beltin it out fearlessly–like I THINK I can actually sing. I cannot sing to save my own life but, I do it anyways!
What I enjoy most is the reactions I get from passerby folks or at the lights. Strangers starring. I just pretend I cannot see their faces. Holding a straight face is a difficult game. Some sing along, give a wave, look at me like I have 3 heads–doesnt change my tone. It is thee only place I know I wont see these people again.
TIP: Epecially fun when driving out of your own town.

*** PRAY:
Praying in a vehicle for me reminds me of when I first got ‘clean and sober’ 7+ years ago and ‘re-found God’ (whom had never left, another post..). There was once of these anonymous ‘poems’ or encouraging writings by someone just circulating around at the time with the suggestion: “..when in doubt, talk to the Empty Chair”. It was some kind of representation for sitting across a seat speaking to Jesus. I LOVED THAT idea, and in fact I used it often. In a vehicle is where I get that opportunity again. A reminder of the fresh newly renewed adoration I had for God that I had back then. I believed then, at any given moment I didn’t ask God to ‘be with me’ that I would die or relapse. “..And to relapse was to die anyway, that is just how it was for us (me)” … Which brings me straight into my next MUST and DRIVE:

*** CRY like a baby:
YEP, drive and cry. Pullover if it’s real bad even. I will cry to any song that has touching words. The beat or tempo has no meaning to me (unless its crap).
I CRY uncontrollably each and every single time I get to drive a friends car. It’s almost pathetic.

LIST OF CRYING SONGS:
“Christmas Shoes” seriously, don’t even try NOT to cry listening to that.
— “Livin On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi
(Original Version is nothing compared to live!)that’s another one of those ‘early sobriety songs’ for me.

TODAY, specifically THIS song HIT me in the HEART:

These are the words. No matter what “Genre” you care for, this song spoke to my core. The ‘humane being’ in me.
I don’t expect you to like it. agree with it…even listen to the words.
This was my moment today. In my experience, this was the uncontrollable cry for me today in particular.
(Here is the link to the words to read of the song.)

I can barely put into words what I felt inside today. About myself. About life. About people I knew. About humanity at it’s worst and it’s best. It. Just. Hit. Me. Hard. link to YouTube.
Close Your Eyes and Imagine Your Children.

I have never heard this before.
It’s an old one: According to my teen.
Take a listen here; or read the words.

THE LAST Song was: “People Like Us” by Kelly Clarkson I have never heard before. In the moment I needed an upbeat song! It fit the bill and I pretended to know the words as I sang….(listen or watch video below)
Instantly, I started thinking of my WordPress Family and friends. All of you! I don’t have time to list you all. Besides, you know who you all are. Not picking favs but a must mention Sista feels like an extended missing family member!

Driving lesson for today:
LISTEN, drive safe, pray, smile, laugh, have fun —
and SING REALLY LOUD when you drive!!!

What crazy stuff do you do while driving? Have you seen anyone like me drive near you? What is your first thought or reaction? Share your Comment below! We all love to hear them!

See ya’s later My Herd,
JayNine xox

Who Fills Your Jar?

Friday, I started off the Link Day Friday post, pretty well. I was pumped to say the least! I had been organizing and collectively arranging photos and descriptions all throughout last week. It actually looked as if it would have been an informative success! Spent pretty much all of my morning, finalizing photos, copying links, done and done. I had completed the spelling check and a once over. Now, it was time for a breather. I also work between iPad app and PC on line version of WordPress; which I do to cause myself more confusion. Honestly, it’s easier to save and upload photos this way–just not to set them up well. I check on PC to add links, descriptions, and center photos before publishing. At this point, the Link Day Friday Post was good to go but, my brain was tired. Needed relief from computer world for a moment or two…

Oh, I better mention: I’ve also been praying much more lately and started a new bible study with an on line group of (my real life) friends. Let’s just say whenever I throw prayer and “God’s Will” into the mix, my life can begin acting a little stranger than usually. Without getting into the fact that I always say my prayers lately, its been well, more concentrated. I ask for my will mainly to be aligned with the Lord’s for the day. Ask Him to join me in my craziness, in hopes He will make it fruitful if not on track. Matthew is the Chapter we are going over; quite slowly I might add. Baby steps are the way I soak info in best! But, back to my day…

Before publishing, somewhere within the ease of my distractibility (<–yes, it’s a word yippee!), I must have taken a wrong turn around noon. I am soo easily distracted…++ *”ooohh look! something shiny! Huh? oh yeah!*”….these days! Be it an overactive imagination, or increased lack of concentration; whatever it is, has worsened within the last 3 years. On my wrong turn (or my tangent) I traveled, probably only to copy paste another perfect link, and I end up on these mason jars — “mason jars..? What?…Really J9? what about the links/photos you prepared?…” I often ask myself these sorts of questions.

I wasn’t way too concerned as to why. I mean, I am interested in mason jars as well anyways. In fact, we do have a utility closet full of empty coffee canisters, jars, containers, tubs and more. I think every Mom should have one of these life-saving spaces for rainy days and crafts. At my Mother’s House, we have a “God Can” she started in early recovery from about 18 years ago now. I have always wanted to start a gratitude jar with my girls. I however, am plagued with an ‘out-of-sight, out-of-mind’ memory system (also new to me). Or is that just straight outta my mind? Still, I was good with mason jars now.

Strangely, I felt like scrapping and deleting the entire original Friday’s post?! Rather out of the blue. I mean, I worked so hard all week dedicated to sourcing favorites, photos, links, and I was at the polishing off step…was I crazy really now? …Anyway I rolled with it! I saved it for another day and followed through with the mason jar post. I thought, well I could always save it if I didn’t like it. My focus was effortlessly, just ‘re-adjusted’. I flowed through and published the “Link Day Friday (2)” post. ahhh! done and done ;) I was very pleased and set off to plan our evening.

We were to eat dinner, then go for a swim at the neighbours. We’ve both got rowdy children, that play very well together I might add. After LO got home from school (daycare) I headed to the bbq and to my surprise, within minutes, the weather had taken a turn for the worst! Enormous black clouds blanketed the sunny skies. The wind roughly tossed leaves off our ginormous maple and evergreens swayed in the harsh gusts of wind. A check on the weather network confirmed their Warning:  Severe Thunder Storms and Possibility of Tornado activity. “WHHAAT?” We don’t often get these warnings in my neck of Ontario, Canada.

I could feel the rush through my veins the excitement and fear from my childhood. It was a favorite pastime of mine to watch severe storms, filled with sheer terror with my Mother on our eleventh storey balcony. The sets of purple lightening hitting the earths from way up that high. We could see so much. I felt it ‘quality time’ then, growing up (with then an alcoholic mother). I appreciated and dreamt mainly of these moments into my teens.

This Storm wasn’t so lavish but, I caught a few seconds! (mind my voice and manners, not sure what i said there) Taken with Instagrams new video service. Take a look at our Instagram life here. First,
WATCH VIDEO:  Storm VIDEO 35 seconds what it looked like from my J9’s Instagram   (which I cannot guarantee will work either because of WP rules; but only 35 seconds long!)
At the exact secondthe video ends , there are screeches from my livingroom: A Power Outage, no doubt. Off to calm the children and collect the candles…45 minutes later and still, no power.

OK! Damn electricity: you win! * I HATE power outages! Entertaining any amount of children in the complete darkness, surrounded by fire hazards; is not fun for anyone. But, I do what I always do best, find the ‘lighter’ side of any situation!

Renewed, I announce, “the perfect time for uninterrupted quality craft time!” (normally I love craft time, just a little reluctant in no power). Also, I cant see. lol. Time to dig in the dark through the nearest craft bin: they’re all up high so LO cannot destroy…

I head for the closet, open the door, out flies the empty tins…really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You see!? This is God’s active sense of humor, in my personal experience… He just loves me.  ;)

I have soo many more but, what are the funniest times within your relationship with God? Can you share with us in a post? Re-Blog response? What does your active relationship with God look like in your life?

JayNine xoxo

A Simple Write

20130718-144632.jpg

After weeks and months of trying this blogging thing out for the first time, I have come to a few conclusions. This post does not have a hidden lesson, or moral of the story, its just a post about my personal experience with my own blog.

I cannot write well. Writing from personal experience, is nothing like speaking from experience; as I have done in my past. I can stand up in a room filled with all of my readers, other bloggers, and strangers and do an excellent job sharing my words of wisdom for you all to hear. On any given topic that I know well, do it confidently, and I might even get a few laughs.

But, writing? from my own personal experience?
I cannot seem to chose from one subject or one experience, and produce a readable version of the event! I cannot put to paper how I remember it from my head! I don’t know why. I have been diligently trying to figure the answer out behind the scenes for months now, reading, re-reading, drafting, posting; there is no other answer accept that I am afraid of the outcome. I am afraid of how my works appear and how they will be received by all. Most of the time, my writing a real ‘good’ post stems from days of high stress, disorganization, yelling, and taking it all too personally. Especially since taking the Orange Rhino Challenge, LOL I have no way to complete the writing process with yelling anymore! ;) (thankfully!)

This all came about a few months ago. I found myself spending enormous amounts of time on my other website, design and architecture related (past work experience). All of a sudden, I realized I was getting grouchy, longing, and impatient with the kids and immediately thought of how much ‘computer time I was losing’. That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t spending time on the computer for love and enjoyment anymore, it was out of necessity. Something had to give.

After 3 days of no writing at all, missing article deadlines, and some time talking with God; we realized the missing element. My purpose for writing had become (more) self-centered than not. I am already getting too long so I’m not going to explain selfishness, we’re all plagued with it.

“Helping Others”that’s it. That is the missing element. Currently now I have some new plans for my other blog/sites which have shifted their sole purpose into helping others! Yes! Even in the design, architecture, and mommy world. I readdressed the whole helping others and made a firm decision: if my time on the computer wasn’t directed at helping others, I am no longer going to do it. Not to gain likes, followers, blogger awards, (not that I don’t appreciate those;) and recognition.

Here’s how I am not writing for an ‘audience’ anymore. I will be sharing from the depths of my complete honest experiences. If I find inspiration, I will write on it. In that moment. Not after I’ve had an edit opportunity. I will write from fresh from the moment. The intention is to be inspirational, real, honest, but mainly to help others. I will put the new perception into ‘action’ here on j9sopinion.com. I am helping someone great! If not, that’s great too because it is still helping me to remain connected, with my experience regardless.

Long term goal is to look back a while from now, and see the experiences change and the writing strength grow. I will use this post, from the past to not get caught up in numbers again. I will use this post for the off days in writing.

As always, I thank you all for stopping by and sticking around til the end. I look forward to many stories to relate to between us.
The easy way for me to communicate lol: CHECK Out what we’re up to while we’re gone on INSTAGRAM<<Link<< in photos lol.

Many Blessings,
JayNine xoxo (…that’s my pinterest link for all you wanting to see what else goes on in this head lol…)