All Grow’d Up

Not sure who is feeling greater the Separation Anxiety here, myself or my 5 year old? Almost joining the 40’s clubs and yet here I am feeling strangely ‘under the weather’ since Wednesday morning, exactly. How does this relate to any form of separation anxiety? I think the YUCK I feel is just that; my own anxiety! The youngest is moving up in the world and has started her first week of half-day Junior Kindergarten. (I’m estimating, thats probably around the Pre-K mark for my good ole’ American readers).


While the last three years or so my life has been completely thrown upside down, my energy, organization skills, efficiency in everything I used to do, has been absolutely exhausted and my soul strength utterly depleted (that is no estimation!). I simply still cannot help but believe that I, as the SSAHM (SINGLE Stay At Home Mom of 2) that has conquered bankruptcy twice (both times, financial, emotional, & spiritual) overcome homelessness and food-less-ness more times than I care to admit (which we may or may not still struggle with at times)….. this woman of all silver-linings and positive attitudes, find myself having real life separation anxiety from sending my LittleF to Pre-K like this. !?!?! Really? 


I find it difficult to believe I am having separation anxiety. But, I guess I totally am. Looks like she’s all grow’d up and so I guess now, it’s my turn… What confuses me is that when I looked ahead from her younger years, I did not think I would feel such a strong sense of having to let go this quickly. I thought I had til at least teen-age lol. It has happened sooner than I had planned that’s for sure. 

I have come to terms with my own parental-separation anxiety, is a normal part of the process. The entirety of the rest of our lives watching our children grow now, is now about letting go really. 


We shall see what comes to the table next to get through. Hopefully, I will be able to start posting here again to keep track. Because I Promise, it is always something! 😉

Hope you will visit again soon! 💗

Your friend,

Jaynine


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this is for Maile, pass it on…

I have been following this Christian Mom for some time now. Jamie Wright, on her site
the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California.

There is no time like the present to offer you a look into her world, and what her on line (and surrounding) community are doing, to take action up against slavery, human-trafficking, and the sex trade; extremely alive in ‘a certain area‘ of South East Asia. (*You will have to read the full posts for explanations of quotations.)

First, if you’re not sure about visiting Jamie the very worst missionary mom and (active) christian soldier; here is a sneak peek into her very lively world. From Jamie’s about post:

I’m about procrastinating.

I’m not about administrating. I can’t even handle my own inbox. It’s embarrassing.

I’m about loving my husband and sons. I wish I was way, WAY better about this.

I’m about organic discipleship. The kind that happens naturally. Although, I usually just call it… ya know… friendship.

I’m about strippers, and crack-whores, and spreading Jesus faster than herpes.

I’m not about Klout. Or Alexa. Or Analytics. Or any of the other false measures that tempt us into thinking we’re more significant than anyone else. (This is the internet, people. Easy come, easy go.)

I’m about coffee.

(**links to remainder of Jamie Wrights ‘about’ self-description post, only with the intention to raise public awareness of this cause. *no copyright infringements intended with use.)

Jamie the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California
I originally sourced her space through one of my blogger friends here on WordPress

…Let’s share with EACH of YOUR WP Friends and Followers:  what the Very Worst Missionary is up to now!

Follow these links to a very serious Christian Mom and her shared experience in witnessing a small piece of the darkness in the human-trafficking, sex slave, sex trade underground world. Please, then read the post where Jamie offers you to join her in this serious way of exposing this darkness with much light. Through utilizing strength in numbers, and the Light of The World, our shared Lord God.

NOT here at Jamie’s the Very Worst Missionary in Costa Rica California

I have had the most difficult time even putting that into words. I have not slept right since reading Jamie’s first post.

I have not looked at my daughters the same.

I have thought of your very daughters and sons, considering them as my own since.

I have not slept, with the sickness and darkness these children, these babies over seas face.

It is an injustice.

This is Jamie’s BIG ASK for you to join forces in the ‘Light’

Yes there are many more organizations than The Exodus Road but this is Jamie’s choice.  

Source them out! Go join, get active. Tell me about it! 

I will have a list of Canadian sources I will share with you as I put the list together and will share asap.

You must read Jamie’s Blog, where you can read her words for yourself. If you need guidance, long for acceptance, and real truths amungst your Christian communities. This is the Real Deal. Get your belt on and travel over to see the likes of what Jamie discovered in the underground sex-trade world of Human-Trafficking plaguing (this area of) South East Asia.

***********************

In my own experience : 
Mrs. Jamie is a gorgeous, married, bad-ass Mom of 3 boys; all pretty well teens. She is a Christian, her husband and herself leaders amungst their church community. Jamie takes womens retreats with her church groups and turns them into sitcoms. LOL. She takes the bible, religion, God, and all of the teachings and shares her personal experience with each; in her own divine special way. In reading her blog, you will either agree with her or not. Either way, she will still preform the WORK, God has set in front of her to do. Regardless if she goes ‘kicking and screaming’ or not lol.

I know only a few Christian Moms whom share their relationships and experiences with God to the public; with such exquisite talented expression, inexplicable strength, inspiration, unmovable belief, and EXTREME FAITH. We’re taking about FAITH WITH WORKS. Not just ‘faith’. We’re talking real life christian soldiers, talking faith, walking faith, and moving mountains with each single share of their words, filled with absolute reverence for God. Linking hands with the destitute, abandoned, misfits, hookers, and what others would consider the hopeless of each of our own communities.

“FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD!”

Join Jamie’s fight here for freedom of children these little daughters of Moms and Sons of man, from the prisons within their circumstances; which would only not rip your heart alive if you were not human.

Please, visit Jamie on all her social media today to find out how you can help more.

“This…is for Maile…”
Pass it on…

*you’ll understand the quotes if you read Jamies posts
numbered below:
Jamie’s Post..1st… seeing the nightmare of the trade with her own real eyes for the first time
Jamie’s 2nd follow up post… putting her faith to work and YOUR PART!
Learn more about The Exodus Road

FAITH (FOOD) FOR THOUGHT: 

What an opportunity to take a look at our own faith!! ;)

 Is your faith alive and working? Did you know that ‘Faith Without Works is Dead’? What does that mean to you?

What (christian) organizations do you and your family work within?

I have dedicated a small part of our fixed budget to this organization. Would you? I will be also sharing and sharing throughout all of my social media places for the word to spread like herpes lol as Jamie refers to the quickness of sharing about Jesus with this world! Will you join me? Will you talk about God? Jesus? 

Do you talk about God? Do you talk about Jesus? Do you only talk to God/Jesus when YOU are in NEED? What do you ask for from The Lord?

Do you hide you Christian faith in front of co-workers? How do you respond when asked if you believe in God? Do you shun away from answering the question in fear of non-believers prosecution? 

Low Dose Mom’s

Just a quick note: this is my Wordless Weekend post, just completed, today…enjoy

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I’m sitting on my steps, indulging in my only remaining ‘crutch’: a cigarette.
(Ok, so 2 crutches remain: coffee is my new poison).
Comfortably, on the wet cement stairs, while resting next to me, is the worlds strongest Queen Bee–literally! She’s been poisoned multiple times, her holes been filled entirely with insulation poison, and like a queen pest would: she still travels around every little obstacle we’ve presented her! Our only request is that she MOVE; and, Shes still here!!!

And as I sit I wonder:
Would her sting be feirce? Would it wound me deeply? Is the saying of the Queen doesn’t sting, true? Do I want to find out? As she whisps by my ear…I think not but, I don’t run! Would her poison run through my veins deeply? Would I recover? Would it be better than being inside?

See, my Mother is visiting, for her ‘once a weekend drop-in coffee’ treat that as she states: “Is great cause, SHE didn’t have to make it!” Yet, as she sips the microwaved version from my morning coffee pot, I am so sure somewhere inside she’s thinking: “the least that girls could do for me after all I’ve done is make me a fresh pot! after how hard I work everyday…Sheesh!” How would I know what she’s thinking? It’s written across my Mothers eyebrows…

I can only handle my Mother in low-doses. Positive too, that by her verbal arrows she throws, the feeling is mutual! lol!

My Mother is built with the same worlds strongest Queen Bee qualities, skills, talents; all of the above. No matter the obstacles of positivity I attempt to shield myself with, and attempt to extend to her verbally; my mother is installed with the absolute ability to shoot your ideas and offerings of empathy right between the eyes! She stings, she wounds, she’s poisoned; with negativity. She’s a single mother, hard-working, ok workaholic actually, warrior type mom, froze hell herself and flew back again, climbed the corporate tower swiftly perfectly through her careers. After losing a 23 year stand at the top position to the company bankruptcy; she’s gone from bottom, and back up to a pretty great position at new place. She Hates. Great.
Is she: Happy? NO. Financially comfortable? NO. Poor? NO.

And although my mother has a sting of a bee, with her words, and her tactful bitchiness: I admire that quality, actually. I practice that talent myself and strive to better at it; plus I have started to teach my daughters same. It’s a useful skill when used correctly. Even though she wounds and poisons with her complaints of her horrible “life”, her soreness, over-worked, under-paid, for a house she doesn’t get to enjoy, bcuz of a raccoon, or my teenage brother, work, bills, bills, bills, bills; her car, its payments” …(as i drive a fucken four wheel plastic wagon through the iced streets but, I dare to voice because I have limbs) whatever you think you have ‘BAD’,my Mothers got it WORSE. In case you need a friendly reminder of how blessed you really are, try a weekend visit. It’s Wordless alright! Means, I can’t say shit! And, we should all remember “at the end of the day, you should be lucky you have your legs and a home to begin with, you may not even have tomorrow” (<em but… how true is that..)

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However, whatever poison the sting of her whines, complainants saddened unhappiness, in-ability to see that I too suffer somedays, contains; this woman is my hero. She is a Warrior. A ‘Wonder Woman‘ I used to say in my youth. An Inspiration. She’s taught me Faith Gratitude Humility how to be humble and live to the fullest everyday. Inspires me to find my Own Way. The stings present me opportunities to SEE..to see my sad situation in a better light, her inability to sympathize has taught me not to search for sympathy but, to work for a Solution. Take Action rather than talk. Encouragement. Self motivation. NO Sympathy for my every hurt. But it’s a fuel to my fire. To me its what I don’t like but I utilize the most.

A saying I use constantly self-created statement I use as motivation and consistent reminders in my own personal experiences, from my mothers teachings:
You must be grateful for everything, when you have nothing.

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No, Not a Mother’s Day post. Just inspired from my ‘Low Dose; just what I needed, this morning. (Saturday Morning Past, thanks to the kids lol)
What inspiration do you find from negative talkers, or postitive? Share an inspiration below in Reply section! And ya better smile, or I’m calling in my Mother to give your head a shake!

Thanks for sticking around for the Big Finish everytime, lol
JayNine xo

PS–I do have links saved for all of these photos and most can be found on one or more of my Pinterest Boards for purchase–no credit taken for ANY image here. all image rights belong to the links stored (ask & ill post them..too busy with life outside here, on WP however lol)

Portal Jumping

A wordless weekend shot, at the neighbourhood splash-pad. Being (re)new, I was unaware the water was going to be turned on. apparently the past weekend is the ‘May 2-4 Long Weekend’ opening! Heres how it all went down–fully clothed.

With my favorite app as you all know by now, I took the time to create this picture where it appears shes about to jump into a portal of another world! …

“Ohh how I wish I could do that somedays ;) …

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Mila Johnson

I purchased this blog space which was going to years ago, contain my personal opinions on all things. Thought myself a smart, intelligent, well-experienced person, whom had much to offer the world of blogging. As I read and as time passed, I discovered I am just a girl with words to share and much to learn….

an unforgettable soft smile

vanished, Mila Johnson from Brampton, Ontario, Canada
why…?

I didn’t start contributing posts to this blog until, around the date she went missing.
A close friend of my extended family was missing their teenage daughter, Mila Johnson. She was gone. She left her home one day, nothing different from any day before and she wasn’t heard from again. Just gone. VANISHED. Having spent some time with this teen myself (not much but) enough that I couldn’t ever forget the smile on her face; I couldn’t help but get involved any way I could in sharing in the search for her safe return.

Mila's photos from missing flyers poster blitz twice

Mila’s photos from missing flyers poster blitz twice

I had a Twitter account for years. Never touched it. Mila’s disappearance was the reason I started using that account. Creating ‘Our Missing Youth’ I dedicated much time tweeting, tweeting, and re-tweeting, to the media, volunteers, friends, twitter handles for the missing, organizations; anyone that would listen, re-tweet and or share my original blog posting of Mila’s disappearance! Just a few days later, there were over 3,000 people joining together in a Facebook Group dedicated to finding Mila Johnson.

where you found one you found the other ... my niece and mila(right)

where you found one you found the other … my niece and mila(right)

All anyone could think about was Mila, missing…trying to empathize, I only did what I would want the world to do if one of my children ever went missing. Wether you knew Mila or not, she has a sweetness present in her photos, that is unforgettable. I could hear the sounds of Mila and my nieces giggles, coming from my sisters apartment bathroom. Clearly recalling the sounds of the tweens (then) like yesterday as they played tricks, and hid from the annoyances of the younger children–LOL fully clothed and chatting in the bathtub LOL! ;) Texting, dancing, laughing, and just having fun; things in life normal kids should be doing, at their age. From what I knew of Mila Johnson, she was a quiet, fun-loving, down to earth teen. Blessed with a sweet aura surrounding her, that could soften a person, with just a grin. I remember little Mila’s baby face, and as if almost through magical sparkles, her childish spirit glowed through her eyes… An innocent child…

Mila Johnson missing flyer photo

Mila Johnson missing flyer photo

‘Our Missing Youth’…I chose ‘Our’ because, to some extent, the worlds children are all our ‘responsibility’. As adults we are given the job to look out for them, as much as we can, as they grow. We all try our best to be there for them as best we can…Pinterest Board for Mila Johnson

An ending this tragic, a mom losing her baby, a sister losing her best friend, a father without his ‘daddy’s girl’..an unimaginable loss…a day like this, brings a grave sadness over us all that were touched by Mila Johnson–and even the ones that weren’t… Loss of a child moves hearts of the world.

Mila Johnson from her graduation. Posted on the groups wall on Facebook.

Mila Johnson from her graduation. Posted on the groups wall on Facebook.

After ten months, finally the Police had results from forensics they had to notify the family about: And just days after ‘Mothers Day’ had to inform the suffereing family that Mila would not be returning home. Brampton newspapers printed this update article here

So I’m writing again about Mila. I am writing in this place to always keep Mila’s memories alive and amungst us here. I am writing about this to keep her family in minds, thoughts, and prayers from others. The world is a better place because of the time you shared with us here. I am writing in memory of you Mila, and keeping a place here especially dedicated to your loving memory. Your space in time was short and you will be deeply missed by many. I write this in respect and support for the parents and the entire family. I couldn’t say anything to change this but, we send many words of support and offer any assistance to the entire Family of Mila Johnson.

I pray for the families of those with missing loved ones, today and everyday.
Every Mother (and parent) is praying for your Mother Mila.
We pray for your Father, for your Sister, your loving family members,
and friends, that they may find some peace in their hearts, through a loving God.

I pray for all who loved Mila Johnson.
We pray for all who knew Mila and experienced her kindness and friendship.
I pray for the Lord (of their beliefs) to carry their hearts in comfort today; and through each their own,
personal grieving process that lies ahead.

I pray for the family to find strength in each other and that they rely on GOD for their consoling and counsel.
Prayers of love support and un-ending hope for the healing through their future.
May the Lord hold His child, Mila Johnson close, as she has been returned to His hands.
We are grateful for each moment she blessed our lives, no matter how short.
Unfortunately, this is all to real a living nightmare for too many families and we recognize their struggles at this time as well.

All are welcomed to write a message of condolence and support to the family below in the comment area.

GOD BLESS each and every parent and child out there today.

Jaynine xo

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