NO Room for Judgement

This post was inspired by the reading of a post, from my surrounding neighbourhood parents website. This interesting post related to the subject of ‘Leash’ ‘Harness’ Use in parenting, on/for toddlers and such.

I was gifted two perfect children. Call them:
‘A’ or #1 –my First;
and ‘B’ or #2 –for my second.

‘A’ was the precious, soft, quiet, perfect, non-breastfed, independent, talker, slept through the night, 7pm-7am sleeper from the get go! ‘Picture-Perfect’. I soaked up the sun, being an “Independent Mother“…I rather enjoyed Motherhood in that laid back manner. *For clarification, I tend to not use the word ‘Single‘ Mom. Its sounds like an implication that I am alone, missing a letter, a number, I should be plurel-ized; or un-supported in some way but, I (am) was not! (I always utilized all resources and had the support of many organizations, programs, groups, and my HERO Mother). Back to topic.

I used to be (seriously)judgemental of those dressing their little ‘Angels’ in a ‘Dog Leash’ & I’d laugh, stare, wonder Why?!, & gawk, mimic, and grumble under my breath–THEN, I had MY SECOND Child! And boy was I in over my head! My tune changed, the day she took her first steps–I have MANY examples of my own experiences to explain why; let see if i can recall a few, because of my newly ‘inherited by child ADHD’, memory often fails me…hhhmmmm

Ohh yes, I am (was) the most organized person on the planet. I was a Home-Staging, organizer, cleaner, and Personal Assistant. In fact, I built and established my very own business, keeping track of the Homes and Lives of others…of which I can no longer do it to my standards for myself. Point: #2 took my world by storm. Female as #1 but, night compared to day. Flipped my world inside out, and backwards, I’m still collecting pieces of my scattered brain all over the globe! And a searching for a provider of more than two hands! (Currently ‘disabled’ and UN-able to work but, I’m a fighter its only temporary)

Did I use a ‘harness’ with #1 NO! Why? Because I didn’t have to. It wasn’t necessary. #1’s response was always, “ok Momma” (oh the tears are gathering as she’s a teen now;) Somehow with #2 I turned from Mary Poppins craft-a-holic, to exhausted-house-mother of the year, on speed– there’s just no keeping up to #2. At the speed of sound, and fast as the light, she’s out the front door, touring and exploring local train tracks after sneaking past a room of 3 people…ask me why I used a leash, “backpack” we called it as she got older. Trust me, oh you judging mothers of leash bearing children: we moms only do it because our job is to protect our children (and not lose them). I always said my ‘littlest hobo’ would be in the local news for baby found in diaper in snow; no not from neglect from her superior Hoodini magic disappearing acts. And now, now she’s learning to play hide-and-seek. (I hope I can keep m heart in my chest) Look if anything else worked time-out’s, reward rooms veal, bribery, or even a spankings, (roads are more dangerous than those); then I’d have stuck with what worked but nothing did. **In case you’re thinking of volunteering, I don’t give a damn if your the concrete mixture of She-Ra and Wonder Woman, you cannot keep up with #2! You best bring along your invisible forse feild then biatch cuz shes gonna run you blind! She’s 4 and doesn’t remember a thing about the leash no harm no foul no lost kids.It only bothers the ‘Judge-er’Speaking of which

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~~Altered Attic on Etsy~~

JUDGING (not constructive criticism):
I will tell you one VERY important thing I have learned throughout my 14 Years Personal Experiences in Parenting: I DO NOT Judge Other Mom’s! Most of the situations I have (admittedly) judged in others, in my past:
I have now had the ‘pleasure’ to RE-live, in my OWN experience… I cannot help but think it was a “lesson from the Universe” or ‘above’, or Karma; (what ever you want to call it). I recommend finding a safer approach.
I have ‘walked in many of the shoes’ I’ve (so harshly) judged…its a hard pill to swallow! Eating Your own Words, can not taste so good, as serving your own ‘Bad Opinion‘ out there–so be careful what you ‘dish out’, seriously.
(In case you still don’t get it)
Always, ‘Ye Who is Sinless, Shall Cast the First Stone” immediately comes to mind…

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HUMANNESS:
Thats not to say I am perfect or don’t judge but, the process is a rigorous honesty (within self). Now, when the judgemental thought arises, I have HARMLESS ‘tools’ to process the thoughts, then let them go..In a safe ways for judger and judgee. It took years of personal practice, all worth the clear conscious.

I am ‘normal’ and tested daily by my children too. I find my comfort in reading the posts of dear mommy bloggers here that dare to share with us the hardcore truths and raw realities of ALL parenting types, children, and days! I do not focus on one genre, they ALL help I have the back up factual experience with both; and with equal absolutely adoring the perfect shit out of the 2 of them. #2 was just missing her handbook ;) still awaiting its arrival–
good day and best of luck for the approaching summer!

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Find a TON of great comfort, fun, laughs, seriously, inspiration, and some activities for your busy one here. Go read some more exciting stories from new discovered: ‘Guide to Surviving Summer‘ by blogger best ‘the gratitudentist’. Or just share your stories of horror, truth, and empathy in the Reply section.

JayNine …xo

5 thoughts on “NO Room for Judgement

  1. What a great blog! It is so true. I haven’t had to use the “leash” for my 1 year old (yet) but sometimes I think we may get there. I’m all for doing what is best for my child and I always say that I hope the really hatey judgers all get a runner in their batch of kids. I also loved your comment about not using the “single” mum tag. I am flying solo and although I do write about it on my blog from time to time I like to think that I’m not defined by it. I’m also not missing a limb or some other vital part of me that makes me now “single”. Great post.

    • Thanks girl! I use ‘independent’ I don’t ever depend on anyone else to be responsible for my children, choices or life. I do accept help proudly however bcuz it is in the support systems that our children and us as moms can succeed!

  2. Jay Nine, I found myself laughing so hard through this. While my boys are now grown I had similar experiences raising my 2. I still vividly recall my youngest who had climbed onto the refrigerator at age 3 decide the best way to get down was to leap off, face first towards the stove. My heart nearly stopped as I caught him in mid air to save his life, only wanting to strangle him for such a stunt once he was safe.

  3. Pingback: Friday Faves, Freshly Pressed? | Living Simply Free

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