My lesson at the grocery store line up today (yesterday ;)
Ummm yeah, us experienced Moms can always tell the first-time Mom from ourselves. The baby is in the car seat buggies, while Mommys imagining they’re comprehending the MOST complex of ideas and words. “my son said ‘ball’ at six months old” story, you know that one. Speaking in pitches and tones unread by the most advanced sound recognition inventions of the future; about some garbage of ‘perfection’ and love blah blah, you know the lingo. The Youthful and vibrant, ‘who me I? this ole thang? Always shop in ma best’
Then, there’s little run-down, hurried, coffee in hand “hair? i have hair?, we’re not talking about the stuff stuck in the bathtub drain? are we?”…. lucky if i can find my 80’s curling brush, at 540am, to shove my big red mop,into a ponytail for the week!–ME…
ME–I’d like to say ‘a real mom’ but,in all fairness, sometime in the distant past: I was once in that blissful state of matranonial novelty ignorance in my past. So I will say it, but without a pinch of insult ;)…(because we all know what her future holds)
I smile while looking down at my remains dressed to the nines in my $4, faded, 3 year old flip-flops; that I probably purchased at a mid-night stop for Advil during a 3-day-in-house stomach flu epidemic, while dressed in my UN-smelliest clothing from the first closest laundry heap.
While slightly boast-giggling: I reach for my iPhone WordPress App in the bottom of my second-hand purse, with hopes of completing this encouraging post for my readers before: I run out of time to walk to pick up LO at daycare, before the rain, rushing to get out of the store before the teenager realizes I’m missing and texts for a ridiculously expensive item she knows I do not want her consuming. Teens have that timing ability, I call it ‘manipulation‘. They know when I’m handful busy! ‘moms in a rush; lets text her for…'(a self-centered reason of course). (I am rabbling–stay for the big finish please):
Look, in all fairness, I used to be that first time mom: my babies made out of crystal, bubble her, don’t breath on the princess, check if shes breathing, don’t allow her to feel pain, cold, a breeze, or the breaths of another human being they’re all contaminated…I get that. I’m not jealous. Just call me ‘realistically experienced’. In fact, my world looked like that until my second walked. Then ME, just ended.
and it taught ME. The most of what truly matters to ME.
The truth is, I am an independent mother of two wonderfully evil perfect daughters containing the looks of their fathers for constant reminders and the devil-ness of their mother…just adds a twist to all the pretty truth is:
I’m extremely happy exactly the way my life is for the first time in my ever. I am a content unorganized, dirty, laughing, broke, ‘sick, messed up individual'(from some 80’s rap song) and I don’t wish to be anywhere but here, anymore…. I separated from ‘spouse'(dead-weight gifted life-ruiner), lost a 2,200 sq ft love-less home, a 5x’s towed brand new 2011 VW Tiguan SUV (I DO miss the wheels severely but I have legs), luxury of buying what was needed, wanted, to food bank walking, from traveling to living down the road from my Mother and Brother now….
To…rent a 2 bedroom moist cold comfy basement apartment, in a small town where we can roast marsh-mellows in our backyard, walk, and talk slowly, spend quality slower paced time with my children, discover, re-discover, re-create, get counseling, and learn about ME, and my children now.
FINISH: (about a month ago) I had a perception shifting profound life epiphany:
“I am for the first time in my almost 40 years, finally, in a place where I am not running from anything–or running after something”
ok and to that new mommy syndrome, I say,
Thanks For Reading guys and Thanks to the young, gorgeous, unknowing, lovely, first time mom in the grocery store line up; for her soon to flee fragility; inspiring me to write this post.